Nicolas Cage, House MD and Miss Cream Tease...

In a vain attempt to make me fancy Nicolas Cage my Mum is making me flick through at least 3 Google-Images pages on 'Wild at Heart'; even in Moonstruck I didn't think he was particularly swoon-worthy.


I'd much rather do some 'important research' on the many faces of David Bowie or watch a couple of episodes of House MD (most notably the one where Jesse Spencer gets his top off). Hugh Laurie has to be one of the nicest men on the earth, with the most beautiful eyes! Lots of girls at my school seem to think that the head of music deserves similar praise, so it's no surprise that there's a fight to turn the pages of piano music when he's playing (I wonder if there's something sensual about that)! Fortunately, I'm not in his fan club...so no broken fingers there!

I'm really proud of my sister Scooby after her very first Burlesque performance at the Kitty Kat Club as Miss Cream Tease (http://www.creamtease.co.uk/), being her little sister is a pleasure but I can't help but be jealous of her long legs. Even when she looks like a pile of shit (her eyelids swell up in the mornings if she's stayed up too late) men drool all over her; if she's not the next Dita Von Tease I'll let the flea-ridden dogs sleep in my bed for a month!!!

Stinky Breath, Pointy Hips and Corsetry...

Woke up this morning with an absolutely repugnant headache, may have to drown myself in chilled water from the fridge. The hygienist at the dentist's said 'you should drink as much as you can, poppet...', I think this may be a kind way of saying that my breath stinks. She also said that I shouldn't drink my tea so hot because it's burning my gums; great....stinky, burnt gums and lukewarm tea. Putting this together with my headache, my fat arse, and my ominously itchy elbow (which is still itchy by the way) I don't think I'm going to be very attractive today....oh, forgot to mention that my hair is stupidly greasy because I'm scared to take too long in the shower in case the builders need the loo. Sexy, indeed.

Tragedy has struck; my beautiful Diesel jeans (which I've had forever) are getting really tight -I'm either going to have to start undoing the top button (which gives the impression that my hips are really pointy) or just suck it up. I keep telling myself that they're only tight because they've just been washed and I just have to stretch them out again. I bet Wobbles (my sporty best friend) doesn't have to stretch her clothes...

I'm going to have to look through all of the nice photos of myself just so I can remember that I'm not always this repulsive. Remember: I look good in corsets...

It has just occurred to me that the headache could have been caused by the incessant thumping from the builders in the loft; maybe I don't have to swallow my weight in liquids! I've already drunk quite a bit though...feel very sloshy.